Childhood - The Fountainhead Of Negativity
Anyone who came up in a household where there was unhappiness, dysfunction, ongoing stress or perhaps trauma was subjected to endless negative messages every single day of their young lives.
The least harmful was just being witness to adult's dark, unhappy words and actions. The absolute worst was being the recipient of those destructive words and actions. Being told since birth that you are no good, a problem or mistake; that you're stupid or not worthy of having any of your dreams fulfilled are devastating.
Just as damaging is being ignored. Emotional, mental and physical alienation is doubly painful because it sends mixed messages which, by the way, others may not notice so the child feel misunderstood and confused. Not being wanted or included is devastating for a little boy or girl.
Infants who are not held from birth can't survive. Or if they do, they are often saddled with life-long challenges. What a sad way to start an innocent life.
Then there are the role models that create negative consequences for children. An absent or abusive parent or those that are always yelling, crying and possibly, using physical abuse not only terrifies little minds, it all goes toward creating what that child thinks being adult looks like.
Negative words have consequences. But then there's the whole topic of abuse - sexual, physical emotional and mental. These are the darkest of the dark and will kill a child's innocent spirit. These children grow into angry teens and adults with terrible self esteem and all sorts of emotional and even mental problems.
Then why do parents do these things to their children?
We Are All Victims Of Victims
How much do you know about your parent's childhood? If it is possible and feasible to ask them about it, you would probably find out that everything they did to you was done to them on some level.
When I was ready to have children, there was no internet and no social media so all the parenting ideas I got were from a couple of books, my friends and the idea in my head that "I would never do what they did." And I did do some things right but when I was exhausted, depressed and out of ideas, I fell into my old familial habit of getting angry. Yelling and punishing -although not to the extreme of my own childhood- were my built-in reactions. Because that's what I was raised with. Except I also then had horrendous guilt because I realized I was doing exactly what I said I'd never do!
When I think of my own parent's childhoods, I can't even imagine how much more scary and lonely they had to have been. From what I do know, I now understand all of their actions completely.
The point is, we are all victims of those who were in fact, also victims. They couldn't give what they didn't have - or even know about - and neither could you or I.
Being raised in an environment where fear is the norm kills a little one's dreams over and over until as an adult, all they can see are problems and more fear with no hope of things getting better, because even if they do improve, something else even worse will appear.
Living in this darkness is a learned behavior. All those self-defeating, habitual thoughts you have about yourself and all your anxieties are forms of habitual thinking that you accepted a long time ago. And unless you learn how to be alert to each one and begin making the conscious effort to replace them with a positive thought or action, nothing will change.
NEXT: Part Three - The Path To A New Way
Jeanette Menter
03-2-24
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