What Does Life Feel Like After Codependency?

I haven't met one person yet who's working to overcome codependency that hasn't had a dream of their life after passing through that storm. We need to want something better. It's the only reason we even start down this difficult path of healing. We want a better life!

The goal of working through all the trauma, the abuse, the scars of our past is to grab onto and own that life we say we want. So what does that look like? The details are different for each person of course, but the overall vision is the same: peace, strength, self love, not living for approval and not fearing of judgment. Ultimately it's about becoming the person we should have been all along and building a life without all the destructive influences we experienced in past relationships and upbringing. 

We see ourselves as deserving of good things. A peaceful environment (not to be confused with boring; just safe). We're able to breathe deeply and feel calm. We learn to accept who and what we are. And more than that, explore it and embrace it. 

We learn to be responsible in a healthy way. This means taking care of ourselves and those who depend on us without living to fix their problems.

We suddenly find it's easy to speak truthfully without being hurtful, instead of saying what we think other people want us to say. Other times, we enjoy not saying anything. And we develop the ability to say 'no'. We find that we are standing firm, head up and have a new strength deep within us.

It's very likely that problems like depression, anxiety, exhaustion, poor boundaries, ongoing guilt, baseless shame and fear will melt away. Your health will improve. You'll attract healthy people into your life. 

Remember, codependency is just like any other addiction. Our thinking slips into old patterns from time to time and we question ourselves, our value and our choices. But now we have the tools to correct our thinking, words and behaviors, right? So that's what we do. And then we forgive ourselves and carry on.

There isn't a way to go around all the consuming issues that being codependent creates. We absolutely have to work through them. By reading articles like this, and working through books like mine, you have taken that all important first step of learning what codependency is and how it derailed you from who you really are. Hopefully, you are doing the imperative work of being honest with yourself and are taking steps to heal. I won't lie to you, it's a long process.

While some people are able to self-correct somewhat easier than others, most of us have decades of lies and faulty thinking to unravel. But slowly you will notice positive changes in who you are. A little more strength here, a little less rage there. More understanding, more forgiveness of yourself (we can forgive others only when we have truly forgiven ourselves) and less negative thinking.

It takes persistence and brutal honesty. We have to face our shortcomings and wrong choices. We can't simply blame everyone else for them. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and start there. 

We all get tired and relapse into old patterns from time to time. That's all part of it. Just keep working on becoming a fresh, new you. You also have to want that better life and be willing to stick with your work even when it seems like nothing is changing. For many, just the idea that our children won't have to be burdened with all these ugly problems is motivation enough.

Imagine smiling easily and having no tension in your body. Can you? Envision being at peace with yourself and your life - no matter how humble or how grand. Are you able to see yourself with other people and being comfortable with who you are? How about finding a creative outlet that pleases you? Is it easier to dream good things for you and your loved ones without immediately shutting it down due to lack of self worth?

These are just a few of the beautiful new realities that are there waiting for you. Each one of us has to first see them and then decide we are worthy of having them. That makes the hard work of becoming a healthy, whole person worth the this monumental commitment.

Not everyone is this strong. You have it in you. You must or you wouldn't be reading this. Pieces of encouragement like this article serve as guideposts along the path toward your becoming the complete person you were always meant to be. 

Yes, you do deserve it. Yes, you can have it. All of it. You simply have to keep moving forward.

My prayer is that you will.